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POOL OF PAIN

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POOL OF PAIN

Seeking solitude to contemplate
This pool of pain before me
No way round it but through it
Trying to dabble my foot in it
Testing it, taste it, feel it
Maybe even gingerly dogpaddle
My way across it’s surface

The darkness creeping all around me
It’s misty fingers enveloping me
Pushing me towards this pool of pain
Reflected I see my face
My eyes
Mirroring all my shattered dreams
And illusions
The angst of misplaced trust and faith
Broken relationship and love
Thrown out cold into the
New world of singledom

Sinking deeper and deeper
Coughing and spluttering
Trying to stay afloat
Heavy fluid filled lungs weighing me down
Taking me deeper
It’s full depth unfathomable even now

Sudden realization strikes
With viper – bite stealth and ferocity
That I cant breathe
Cant surface
Cant survive
This pool of pain
It has totally overwhelmed
Overpowered me
No way out or through
Sinking helplessly to it’s depth
Drowning in it
Will blissful oblivion follow?
Soon please

Maybe tomorrow will be another day
Another way?
Maybe tomorrow I can swim
Maybe?

JEWEL ON MY PATH

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JEWEL ON MY PATH

A jewel on my path
Like a guiding crystal radiating belief
Giving me faith and direction
A fresh path to follow
So clearly defined
So supportive and loving, with the clarity
As the inner matrix of a crystal
Such is your love for and faith in me

Your presence in my life
Edging into my heart and mind
Guiding me back to you
My heart and spirit are now with you
In this moment of time
Your presence in my life
Like a jewel on my path
It’s love and clarity
Giving me faith in love, human emotions
And affairs of the heart
Faith in true love and it’s longevity
That perhaps soul mates do exist
So perhaps I will follow my inner guide
And heart back to you
To once again lose myself
In your close embrace
Enfolded in your love
Following my heart back to my
Jewel on my path

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FROM HERE TO ETERNITY

Like the lay of an untouched landscape
And the daily rise and fall of the sun
Through the heavens and over this land
The clockwork certainty of day and night –
Some things are beyond the realms of change
Or alteration

Like the passage of time
And waiting for it to pass
So heartbreakingly and enfuriatingly slow
When nothing but time
Can change that which cuts so deep
Or soften the jagged edges
Can only wait, and wait…

Trying to tame the frustrated restlessness
Of enforced patience
Is trying to bridge the gap
From here to eternity
From here to healed, and the time between the two

Outer calm so tenaciously held onto
Is fragile as a dried summer leaf
Clinging to it’s barren tree
The stretch of time from here to forever
So elusive
Tense as a coiled spring about to unleash

Time calls the trumps
Eventually catching up with all
Relentlessly unmovable and unchanging
For those who can wait

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THIS ROSE CAST ASIDE

Every rose has it’s thorn
Clutched tight in the palm of my hand
Clenched fingered, white knuckled
Gripping the thorny stem
Blood dripping from pierced palms
Thorns deeply embedded in soft flesh

No more do I need this
Your longstanding hold over my heart
All power, strength and energy
Out of me drained
A constant outpouring of deep unrequited
aching in-love’ness
No more do I need this anguish

My fist starting to unclench and release
Blood slowly returning to oh-so-white knuckles
Flexing freshly released stiff fingers freely now
I place this rose of my love for you
Aside for good

Not cast aside to be trodden upon and forgotten
Rather gently placed behind me
In a vase of painful memories
My blood drying caked over
the thorny stem
a sharp reminder
lest I ever turn to you again
and hold that rose of my love for you again

Washing clean my punctures palms
Mirror of my heart
The bloodflow now stayed
The wounds closing over before my eyes
The scars remaining
Lest I forget
And think to turn to you again

Every rose has it’s thorn
Lovely to look at
Painful to hold
Lovely to dream about
But reality bites
Love hurts

COVER ME

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COVER ME

The people we are drawn to in this life
Often not understanding the nature of
The attraction or interaction
Partners as guides, lovers, friends
And the issues of sexuality raised
By a male and female bonding on the same
Spiritual plane and striving ahead
The fine line between affection and love or lust

The role to be played by each in the other’s
Path and life
In trying to understand the interaction
You are looking deep into yourself
At your belief systems and motovations
Being shown in insight into yourself
Both strengths and weaknesses
And trying to understand those of the other
Often hidden under a protective cloak
For fear of weakness or need of change exposed

Fears, mainly of being hurt
Left overexposed and underprotected
May emerge or be highlighted
The careful and honest analysis of all underlying
Hues and tones and shades
Is one of the greatest teachers of all

The security provided by a close, unjudgemental and
Unbreakable bond
Can be protective enough to step out
Into the desert territory
No places left to hide within the relationship
Or within yourself
Fully exposed

Whether stepping out together as a couple
Or as two single friends or otherwise
Learning to differentiate love and lust
The chase and it’s challenge from a genuine
Desire for the catch
And the thousand prism aspects of love
That can reflect expressed so many poles apart
So cloak me with comfortable safe support
While being cloaked likewise yourself
Especially when testing the waters
Feeling as vulnerable as hell
Yet nurtured
Scared yet safe
Mixed entwined emotions
Question my motives and needs
Wanting to be protected from myself
By someone else – yet the only security true
Is that you provide yourself

MIDNIGHT BLUE

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MIDNIGHT BLUE

 

 

The recipient of all emotions

Flowing fluidly towards you

Like liquid lead

Slowly thickly heavily darkly

The waters of the landscape

Of my emotions

Flowing like moulten lead

Reflecting the nothingness

Of the black midnight sky

      Midnight blue

 

 

So what have I allowed you to do to me?

That my emotions seem so dark

So apprehensive

So overwhelming

  So infathomable

Like a whitewater river high speed on a moonless night

Black, mysterious

Liquid nothingness

Midnight blue

 

 

So what have I allowed you to do to me

To scatter my emotions so….

Raised to turbulent boiling point

Burning my heart alive

My not-so-asbestos heart

 

How did the floodgates of my heart

Get thrown so suddenly

And so violently open

This massive releasing

Of hitherto unknown

Freshly pent up maelstrom

Of volcanic emotions  erupting?

Midnight blue

 

                                        

 

 

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I CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE

 

I cannot be held responsible

You gave up your destiny

And freedom to choose happiness

And placed it like putty in my hands

Telling me now I am responsible

For all your actions, reactions and emotions

Relinquishing all your choices to me

Like tumbleweed to the wind

 

I cannot be held responsible

You fell in love with me in the first place

Long after my heart had closed over to you

Pushed away by jealous possession and distrust

With controlling abusive behavior

And the painful imprinted bruise of your hands

Left wrapped across my throat

Pushed me away a thousand times by your saying

You lost your heart in London

And I was not the one

That you could never love me

Shattering my heart into pieces

And taking my world out from under my feet each time

Then you opened your heart to me a lot too late

 

I cannot be held responsible

You gave up acceptance of me

Accepting I alone own my emotions

They are not yours to demand justification of

To your exacting satisfaction and expectation

Nor your need to strip me emotionally bare

I cannot be held responsible

For what you cannot understand

 

I cannot be held responsible

Guilt stricken by the raw pain in your eyes

The confusion in your voice

When the memory of your many tender loving ways

Floods back tangible as your soft touch

Trembling at the thought of your loneliness

I cannot be held responsible

Your emotions

You fell in love too late in the first place

Long after I had closed my battered heart to you